What Is Your Disposition

dis·po·si·tion: the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood; characteristic attitude

I used to often find myself in a place in life where I didn't want to be, with no recollection of how I got there. I woke up each morning with a feeling of anxiety and no motivation to start the day. All I could do is force myself to move and go through the motions as if nothing was wrong. Sometimes that simple act was enough to change the course of my day, week, month, other times it only exacerbated the problem. I would go through my day wishing nothing more than for it to be over. I would day dream about what I could be doing with my time, what fun I could be having, what movie I could be curled up on the couch watching. I would lull myself into a state of pity and blame the world around me for the place I was in. Of course I wasn't going to take any responsibility for things, it couldn't be my own fault.

Then one day when I unexpectedly found myself examining and reflecting on who I was. I realized that it was indeed me who was digging myself into these ruts. I was dismayed with the world but I was passively participating in the process. I was reacting, not acting, and I was watching rather than playing. The world was doing its thing and I was acting powerless to interject. However, the world around me was of my own creation. I was choosing to view the world through pitiful, angry, depressed eyes. While I chose not to see it this way, it was only because I didn't know how to change things.

Then I learned the power of thinking positively about the world. I learned that I could create and live my disposition in a way that gave me power to enjoy life. To be happy could be of my own doing and not because someone handed it to me or because I bought it off the shelf. If you could, and you can, choose to live the life you want or the one that you have been dealt, what would you choose? You aren't a powerless person. If you find yourself in a place, doing or being someone you don't want to be then you can choose to be somewhere or someone else. If you think of yourself as an ever evolving painting, the painter is you. You get to choose what to portray, the colors you want to use, the angle of the brush. If you can wrap your head around this simple, yet extremely difficult, idea, then you can immediately make an impact on the world around you.

We can all choose to see what is wrong in the world or we can choose to see what is right and what is possible. We can react or we can act. What disposition will you choose today?